Things I Wish I Could Have Written to Dad
By O. Kris Widmer, his only begotten son. (He had a daughter also)
Idea: 2/10/2022. Finished: 3/5/2022. Blog Published: 3/13/22
In days surrounding 2/20/2022,
the 15th anniversary of the death of Dr. Elmer A. Widmer, My Dad
In my faith tradition, we believe that the dead cannot see or hear the ongoing events of all that continues to occur “under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 9:5,6). I believe that their spirit/breath has returned to God who gave it, (Ecclesiastes 12) and their body has been consigned to the dust/soil/sea/ashes until that time when Jesus shall return to raise the dead. Thankfully, they cannot see the events of earth – good or bad. They cannot rejoice at our promotions. They do not experience the traumatic pain of our homes being destroyed in wildland fires. They “sleep” through it all (John 11).
As part of my ongoing grief work, this month - the month of my father’s death - I’m going to write him a letter, updating him on the goings on of the family. (As you can imagine, it has been a deeply emotional experience to outline and then write the details of this letter. Tears have occurred.) I am honored you would take the time to read this letter, as an example of ongoing grief work that anyone can do. A death ends the physical presence of a person, but it does not end the love relationship that one can have in their heart with the deceased. The love always remains.
I look forward to that day when I can talk to him in person. Dad and I sent many fax letters to each other through the years, and so in keeping with that tradition…I write:
2/20/2022
Dear Dad,
It is 2022…and you have been dead for 15 years. It is hard to believe it has been that long…but I have done the math: 2022-2007…and that is the result. but I wanted to update you on some of the events in the family. I know this conversation is one-sided. Still, it does me good just to write it down in this way. This letter will have a little bit of everything: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.
First off, you’d be happy to know we cared for Mom after your death, as children should. For many of the past years, she was able to live at home. She was active in church events and enjoyed going out to eat on Sabbath after church with some of the other widows of the church. She continued to write and read and lead the singing for the Sabbath school programs, and she even played the piano for church when no other fingers could play the keyboard. (That is a preacher’s daughter for you.) Andi and I would come over for the weekends at times to check on her, and there came a time when we would fill her freezer with portioned microwave ready entrees. She did well with friendships with the neighbors and the guy who cut the lawn and the handyman you both knew. The income streams both your employments created provided her with enough money so that she lived well on it. I gave her a raise a few years later in her monthly “kept” money by paying off the small mortgage on the house. She frequently mourned you by stopping for some soft-serve ice cream and then enjoyed it parked at your grave. On behalf of your two children and five grandchildren, thank you for loving each other and for creating us as your family. I know you would be proud of her…and us.
Mom lived for 13 years after you died. For the last 5 years of her life, she dealt with cancer. For a while she sought treatment at home and drove herself to her medical appointments. Then there was a significant fall, and we felt that she couldn’t live at home alone anymore. So…Andi and I started tag teaming her care, as she resided with us for several months at a time. Then the cancer moved into her muscles, and she decided to not have a major surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and such things. We had a delightful Christmas of 2019 together and after that, Mom went on hospice care. Rubin’s daughter Elaine came out to help Andi with mom’s care at her house. I went down almost every weekend to visit. In February, two of your other nieces wanted to come visit and I got the word out to the others, and we had a wonderful Sabbath with 5 of your nieces and nephews there (and some spouses and Doug and Cheryl) for a big “German” meal. There was lots of laughter, and we closed the Sabbath with a worship where Mom played the keyboard and then I had an anointing prayer for Mom. It was a precious time of placing her in God’s care. In April, Mom had her 89thbirthday…and then on May 12, 2 days after Mother’s Day – she died in the recliner in Andi and Lew’s living room, with all of our immediate families in the house by her side. It was about 9:45 at night. It was very peaceful. Lew checked for a heartbeat with his stethoscope. She was gone. That night, we called hospice and they came to make it official. I called the mortuary in Lakeport and told them to come in the morning.
You’d have been very proud of me regarding what I did the next day. See, I had already price checked the cost of using a mortuary in Andi’s town verses the mortuary in Lakeport. Thus, I saved $250. Lakeside Chapel, the same mortuary that cared for you, cared for her. Andi and I had already picked out Mom’s casket – Silver with white Interior – from an internet supplier. I placed the call to cheapcaskets.com and ordered the one we selected…and it shipped that day out of Dallas, Texas – with guaranteed delivery the next day! It arrived in perfect condition. You’d be happy to know “we” saved 50%+ on the casket purchase…which was a $2,000 savings. Like I said, you’d have been proud of me.
When the mortuary arrived, it was us – the family – that picked up her body out of the chair and placed her lovingly on the gurney. Then we walked her out to the van and stood there as they drove slowly away. There were many times when she would blow us kisses as we drove from her home…and we stood there too as she started her last drive up to Lake County.
We had a family viewing for mom at the mortuary the following Monday. Robynn and Hannah joined us there. We would have about 1.5 hours in the room. She looked really good, in a floral dress with a Hawaiian lei around her neck. We put in some tokens of our affection in her casket (Just like we did for you.) and we also wrote messages of hope and love on the outside of her casket with permanent markers (that I supplied). I cut off one of the Amaryllis blooms from your front yard and slipped it in her hands. All too quickly it was time to follow the hearse up to the cemetery for a family burial service. At the grave, we each took one of the red, long-stemmed roses I had bought at Safeway, and laid it in tribute on her casket before it slowly descended into her grave. Then we went home while the grave was “closed” and had lunch. Dessert was back at the grave…ice cream. We had vanilla and strawberry with some toppings, and it was good to remember mom’s love for ice cream and how she would eat some at your grave, too. What a healing moment for us all.
Here is a crazy factoid: Both you and mom died on a Tuesday at home. You were both buried the following Monday…and both times it rained. Now California can get rain in February when we buried you. But Mom died May 12. And we stood there lowering her casket with umbrellas up as well. This is a little detail that oddly gives me comfort. Both times the heavens “wept” on your graves.
Here is another crazy factoid: As of this writing…nearly 2 years after mom’s death, we have yet to have a church community memorial for it. I am prepared for it, having written a life sketch and a sermon for it. Andi has had a friend prepare a media presentation with songs and pictures. But… (1) Jon lives in Tennessee now and hadn’t been here much due to (2) the global pandemic. So, it is still in a holding pattern.
In the week after mom’s burial, something unusual happened. I got a call from my good friend Duane. (Dr. Craw’s son.). His wife Connie was nearing the end of her life, having done about every treatment for cancer. We planned to go up there for a visit, and it was Memorial Day weekend by then, and that would give us an extra day to travel to Northern Oregon. We went up there and had several visits together in their home: singing, praying and laughing together about the times of our youth. Well, on Sabbath, Debbie and I made a detour to the cemetery where your in-laws are buried. On the way there, we stopped and bought another dozen red long-stemmed roses and stuck one in the dirt on the corners of mom’s parents’ headstones…6 days after standing over mom’s graves that very week! And the crazy thing was this was UNPLANNED. But even this moment was oddly comforting to me. I whispered over them: “Well, now all four of your girls are also in the grave too. Thank you for the daughters you raised to be wonderful wives, moms, and grandmothers. I’ll see you when I see you.”
O.K. One more thing and then I’ll move on to a different topic. We came home from Portland from that trip…and look at houses again that week. We’ve been looking and looking, and it was mom’s hope and prayer that we would find a “nice” house in the area of our jobs. She knew all about some of the events I’ll tell you later: about me looking for work, about being evacuated from the worst fire in California history and all this. Well that very week…we found a house we liked, put in an offer and were in escrow! Boom. Done. Oh how I wished I could tell her we found a house and it was…and is “nice.”
Well…enough about mom’s death … but I thought you’d want to hear it from me.
In the two years after you died, America and the world went into a great recession. Many people lost their jobs. Banks foreclosed on homes, tossing people to the street. It was bad. Government did what they could to prop things up in key sectors of the economy, and it slowly recovered. 2008 and 2009 were bad years.
The down economy of those years led to the election of a black man to the US Presidency. Barak Obama. I was tuned in with great joy and pride as he took the oath of office. He was re-elected to a second term, and lots of good things took place during his administration; at least I think so. But then, somewhere during my voting years, I joined the party that nominated him and successfully elected him.
You’ll be happy to know that both my children have finished college. Timothy in 2010 and Rebekah in 2014. Teagan finished all four years at PUC, with a degree in English. Rebekah started at PUC, did Adventist Colleges Abroad in Argentina, and then completed her degree in Business at Walla Walla University. Their graduations were wonderful times, and I found myself thinking of all the university graduations you marched in as they processed down the aisle. You were a four-time graduated student, a professor and an assistant dean so there were lots of graduations in your life. I also think of the last time I saw you – in casketed repose in your doctoral robe. Oh, and – Timothy graduated with a master’s degree, too – in Theater Pedagogy. I know you’d be super proud of them both. (And you’d be super proud of your other grandchildren, too…but I’ll let them tell you their own stories.)
In 2009, just as the new year began, I was transferred to be the pastor of the Antioch Seventh-day Adventist church. It was a unique situation, with the conference executive committee having great latitude and power to say, “You go there…you go there…you go there.” The pastor at Antioch went to Redding and the pastor of Redding went to Antioch. There are double switches in baseball’s National League…and then there was one for me. I started there 6 months before Rebekah finished High School, and then we did the move of household goods after her school let out. We camped out at a rental for a year, and then bought a foreclosure house and moved ourselves into it.
The new church was finishing a 6 million $ building program. Nine months after we arrived, we had the first Sabbath in the new facility. It is a gorgeous place, and I got to be a part of the adjustment years as the congregation figured out how to worship and serve from that hilltop facility. I like to say “I got there in time to help put the pews together and helped paint “No Parking” on parts of the parking lot. I got to be the pastor there for about eight and a half years.
Living in the Bay Area since 2009, we were only a BART train ride away from enjoying professional baseball. You would have enjoyed the reality of The SF Giants winning the world series – three times! 2010, 2012, 2014. Our family would attend some of the games; and for one World Series game, Timothy and I watched the first three innings through the chain-link fence area of the ballpark’s promenade . As I rode the BART trains into the city, I often thought of that special Father’s Day that you, Timothy and I shared as we went to a game together, also on that transit system. Speaking of Baseball: A few years ago, Kristine gave me an autographed baseball from Tommy John! She met him at a La Sierra University event that she planned and oversaw. Pretty cool.
In January 2012, we learned that Timothy is transgender. He is now She, and Debbie helped her pick out her new name: Teagan. Of course, we all went through a period of mourning for the changes and losses this would bring to all our lives, but we moved quickly into acceptance and inclusion. Family is family no matter what. No one gets disowned around here. (We know the story of how your dad was disowned from his family for becoming an Adventist.). The adults and cousins on both sides of our family displayed grace and love – to her and to us. I must say, I wish I could have gotten your wisdom on the matter. I’m sure as a biologist and an expert on biochemistry you would have had wise words to say about the diversity of the individuals in the human species. I would have talked to you about what I had learned about the reality of intersex people. I’m sure we would have had some meaningful conversations. Now, 10 years later, we enjoy our new family normal with lots of fun times together…just like always. And God has given us a ministry to other parents of LGBTIAQ+ kids. We love talking to them, helping them accept their children, no matter what.
Teagan finished a master’s degree (previously mentioned) and then came home to transition to work. She had trouble finding work in the theater teaching sector, so she did something amazing. She taught herself computer coding. With others mentoring her, she got an internship…then a job offer…then transitioned to another company…and this past year was promoted to manager. She is so amazing. We are so proud of her, and we know you would be too.
Rebekah graduated from high school two years after your death. The night you died, she was traveling to play power-forward for the Redding Adventist Academy Lumberjacks in the PUC tournament. Debbie sent on with friends, and came to Lakeport to be with Mom, Andi and myself. In the fall of 2009, she enjoyed her freshman year at PUC with T. She joined the Dramatic Arts Society, and they were in several productions during that year. Of course, we went down for the performance of each one, being the proud parents that we are! Rebekah did her second year of collage with Adventist Colleges Abroad, at UAP – Universidad Adventista del Plata. Her high school and college Spanish classes had yielded dividends for her when she was able to pass a proficiency test. (She had two Spanish speaking roommates there and Rebekah insisted they talk Spanish to her so she could improve in speaking the language.) Being deemed proficient, she was able to take a class the local students take…and she took Philosophy. What!? Soooooo proud of her!
The next year, 2011-2012, Rebekah was a Student Missionary to Honduras through an organization in Michigan. She lived in an orphanage and helped operate a day care in town with a couple other SM’s. In early 2012, Rebekah came home early. She was having a tough year there, being sick enough to go to the “hospital” there two times, as well as some personality differences with a couple of the local adult leaders at the orphanage/school she was working at. (She did continue polishing her amazing Spanish language skills, however!) Coming home was a good thing for her to do at that time. Within a few days of her return – God helped her/us locate a car to drive and a place to stay and she secured a job with Maranatha Volunteers International in Sacramento. Praise The Lord! And as a bonus, the good people at PUC still claimed her as a “student missionary” so her student loans wouldn’t start coming due. She did her last two years of college (earning a BA in business) at Walla Walla University and worked for Maranatha part-time between her classes and study sessions. She used the telephone and computer to connect with headquarters and people all over the world who would then travel on the various mission trips. After graduation, she returned to Sacramento and has worked for Maranatha ever since. You would be so proud of her accomplishments. Oh…and she had a 4.0 GPA through High School and College!
In 2015 – the U.S. Supreme court ruled that secular government did not and could not have an interest in forbidding marriage for the LGBTIAQ+ community. After all, who should the intersex person marry? They are neither male nor female. The forbidding of marriage cannot rest on a religious reason, due to the constitutional requirement for the separation of church and state. Needless to say, there was great rejoicing in the LGBTIAQ+ community, and a great lamenting and a cold resolve in the churches of conservative faith. Well, this decision affected our family in that it permitted Teagan to marry Jenn a few years ago. We delight to see our daughter happy and experiencing marital bliss. (It also allowed two of your “once removed” relatives – a gay nephew and a lesbian niece to marry the people they love and to enjoy the life and legal blessings of being married as well.). “It is not good for man to be alone.” (from Genesis) applies to all mankind.
The church denomination you loved and worked for continues to splinter into divisions. You’d be proud of the Southeastern Conference, where you were a member for 40+ years. They elected a woman as their president a while ago. Elder Sandra Roberts served there with dignity, and for her trouble the General Conference leadership refused to print her name in the world-wide employee yearbook. All she got was a dash: -- . How petty and dehumanizing is that! It was so beneath the church to do. In 2015, after several years of “study” by GC committees, the executive committee swept aside their conclusions and sent a motion to the general conference that split the church further on this issue. It was voted down that the different Divisions of the world church could decide their own policies regarding ordaining women. This would have been a win-win for the diverse church. I like to think you’d be happy to know you had lived most of your life in a “non-compliant” Conference and Union. The Pacific Union (and some others) have a policy to ordain without regard to gender. Still few female pastors get hired, get sponsored to seminary or get approved by local congregations to lead their ministries. Well enough on that.
So…I will tell you that Kristine, your niece, graduated from La Sierra with her master’s degree! She marched in the procession on the mall of your “old” college, now a university. On that trip, I took Dave and Jon to the cemetery where your mom and dad are buried. I, of course, have been there many times, often with you. I couldn’t help thinking that you would often stop by on your way home from Loma Linda and “tend” to their graves – removing weeds and dirt and making them look that someone cared. This was the first time they had been there, and I was able to tell them how wonderful their great-grandparents were. I know you’d be proud of me for doing that. On one of my stops there, I went to the cemetery office and paid for a new flowerpot to be installed between their headstones. It is now there, and we put some flowers in it that day.
You’re not going to believe this…but Donald Trump was elected president. Yes, the womanizing, thrice married real estate tycoon. If you had been alive in 2016, I would have encouraged you (begged you) to leave the GOP. From his history of profane comments about his woman grabbing to his friendship with communist leaders to his final refusal to accept being voted out (and inciting a January 6, 2021 riot on the US Capitol) – his time in office was a disaster. He still hasn’t conceded he lost and it’s been 16 months. His presidency pushed through lots of the agenda of the conservatives (nominating 3 conservative supreme court judges) and the religious right, and you would not believe how unchristian their agenda has become. Those four years and the aftermath was a disaster for the country. He was certainly then and remains - the “Liar in Chief”. I sure hope the GOP doesn’t have him be their nominee again in 2024, and if they do, that the citizens vote “NO” on him. These are scary political times…with church people wanting to use the government to force other people to their type of religiously motivated moral behavior
I wish you could watch Steph Curry play basketball. He owns the 3 Point Shot Record as of this year, and he has been instrumental in helping the Golden State Warriors into the NBA finals 5 years in a row from ‘15-‘19…and win three world championships in 15, 17, 18. The others on the team like Klay Thompson and Draymond Green are also long termers while others have come and gone. Mr. Curry is amazing to watch, and the fans of the world are amazed.
At the time of your death, you had been preceded in death by 2 of your siblings and 3 of their spouses. You were survived by your sister Ellen and by your wife Eunice. That is all. Since you died, your nephew Myron died in the summer of 2019, and your sister Ellen died in 2021 (She lived to 99 years of age). (Sorry…but in the land of the living there is still alternating good news and bad news moments.) I was asked to speak at both their funerals, and you’d have been “pleased” with how they turned out. Ellen is buried next to Esther and Ellen, and I don’t need to remind you that Uncle Darrel’s ashes are still missing. Jesus knows where they are, and that is all that really matters.
O.K. a little of the news from 2017 to the Present: In May of 2017, I left employment in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. I thought I’d make it to 40 years, but it was not to be. (Actually, thanks to Social Security changes I would have had to work for 44 years, until I am 67 to get retirement benefits under “the old plan.) Two days after the farewell day at church, I found myself in a wonderful cohort of chaplains doing CPE. I had been accepted into a great program in Vallejo, and the supervisor was kind enough to let me do my last 2 units there. I was in the wonderful Highway 4 commute each morning and evening, and it was stressful. But I did it. I wrote the papers, participated in group sessions and supervisor meetings and finished. After that I looked for work as I worked on my certification papers – a biographical section, a theory paper section and two case studies. In October of 2018, I sat before the certification committee, and they certified me as a “Board Certified Chaplain.” It was a happy day. In the spring of the next year, Debbie and I flew to San Antonio for the big conference, where I was presented with my ceremonial certificate. (Suitable for Framing). God has been so good to us in this transition. I don’t have on-call shifts and no weekends. I also have no contentious school or church board meetings, and the people I work with are wonderful.
Just before I interviewed for the chaplain job I have now, my father-in-law died. Elder Chester Shumaker had been dealing with Parkinson’s Disease for some time. I won’t trouble you with all the details of his decline, but he did have several bouts with pneumonia that weakened him each time. But we enjoyed a wonderful week at their house as he neared the end. He was alert on the Saturday of the weekend, watching TV and singing along with the LLBN hymn program. That night, he and I were partners in what was his last game of ROOK. And we won too, through his skill at taking a good hand and setting his granddaughter, Rebekah. Debbie held the cards for him as his dexterity in his hands had disappeared, but he was the brains behind the playing of the cards. By the next day he had transitioned to being mostly unresponsive and by that next Tuesday morning, he was gone. Debbie had written a wonderful sermon for his funeral, and she preached it. I wrote the life sketch…and I think it ended up being 25 pages. So, he along with you and mom await the call of the Savior. I have no illusions that it will be “soon”; but I do have the certain hope that it will be “eventual.”
We have started making our own kinds of jelly. You know Mom and Andi have made pomegranate jelly for the last 4.5 decades. (Andi still does – sourcing juice from as far away as Hemet now.) I remember the harvests from our backyard trees in Riverside as well as climbing way up into the trees near your office to pick those red orbs. Well, we have started making two kinds of jelly. We have bought vine-ripe tomatoes and made the spiced tomato jam your Mama used to make. So delicious. And we have a lemon tree in our new backyard…and have made several different types of marmalade the past two years. We modified a recipe we found on the internet and add ONE FULL CUP of minced ginger root. I sure wish you could taste it. Hope I can grab jar on my way to glory for you to sample.
In the last year, Teagan has brought a new board game into our lives. Wingspan. It is a game based on birds and habitats and the food the birds eat and the eggs they lay. At the end, you add up points from 6 different segments of the game and declare the winner. It was created and illustrated by two women and has gone on to be an award winner and an instant classic. I was given the basic game for Christmas, and Debbie and I play it together some evenings…and we play it with our children too. When I play it, I think of your love and respect for the natural world and it’s creatures - the reptiles you would collect and study; the woodland mammals we used to see in Sequoia National Park and the birds you would view through your ever present binoculars. It is a game you would enjoy, I think. I hope to get the expansions packs of bird cards birds that live outside North America. Oh how I wish we could go one more birdwatching trip together.
I also enjoy playing Yahtzee with the dice that have been in our family since I was a child – the red one with the cardboard shaker cup…that has been repaired about 5 times now. My last repair features the names from the score cards that were in the game at your house. I tore off the names and glued them on, and then covered them with clear packing tape. I like playing a solitary game with a shaker that has your name on it…and Myron’s, and Mom’s, and others.
In September of 2018 and 2019, I was asked to be the song leader at the Maranatha Convention in Sacramento. One time the accompanists were a pianist and a violinist from PUC and the other the accompanist was the pianist for “Christian Edition” the male chorus out of Southern California. It was fun picking hymns that most people know, and then modifying how many verses were sung, so that we met the time targets for the worldwide broadcast over television. Now, I wasn’t on TV. mind you, for the song times weren’t broadcast, but it was still lots of fun. We got to see lots of people we have met on the various mission trips at the meeting, and we helped the other staff get the 1500 boxed lunches organized and ready for the crowd after church.
After Mom died and it came time to sell the Lakeport house, we dug up the tulip bulbs and the amaryllis bulbs and took them with us. Last year, I only got one amaryllis bloom, but Andi got several at her house. We gave sets of the other bulbs to both Teagan and the Zastrow family. I didn’t get a report of their bloom totals. We planted the tulip bulbs with some new bulbs we bought locally. Last year we had a beautiful tulip display. I counted over 40 red flowers. It was so pretty. I took some pictures of them glowing in the afternoon light. Well, this year, most all the commercially bought ones didn’t send up any green leaves. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I’ll put a shovel in the ground and dig around and see what happened. Perhaps they are genetically modified tulips only bred to bloom once and not make a replacement blub. It is the flower mystery of this spring.
I’m so glad you taught me how to prune roses. We have a couple of rose bushes in our back yard, and Debbie and I pruned them back this winter. I knew just where to make the cuts because of the time we spent together on the La Sierra Rose Garden. I was thinking of you as my gloved hands worked the snippers and as I used a rake to push the stalks down in the yard waste bin. We are looking forward to some beautiful roses.
Camp – Carr – Bear – Dixie – Caldor: These are just five of the names of the recent massive wildland and urban interface fires we’ve had in Northern California. Each one had destroyed hundreds of homes and resulted in the loss of human lives. The Camp fire was the deadliest in our history, with 86 official deaths. And I can tell you there are many more deaths from each fire due to the disruption of the life routines, the trauma of having all one’s possessions turned to ash and the financial losses not paid for by being underinsured. (Or insured by insurance companies that end up being adversaries to their own clients.) The drought in CA continues this year with mostly dry streets from December to March. We may get a few drizzles yet, but we both know that the Western U.S.A doesn’t get much rain after that.
And the fires (both in Northern and Southern California) have affected every Adventist summer camp. I don’t know about Wawona, but I think they were threatened. I know they evacuated as a precaution. Camp Cedar Falls had to evacuate from a fire (with children present), and the stress on the bear (Remember, they often had a bear in a zoo type enclosure for the kids to see) was too much…and it died in route! Pine Springs Ranch was affected by 2 fires: They had one precautionary evacuation, but the Mountain Fire in 2013 destroyed several structures, including the sewage treatment plant, one of the staff houses and “The Fort”, a set for an evening drama program in the summertime. The lodge and all the camper cabins were spared. Then this last summer, the Caldor Fire (cause: malicious arson) caused some major damage at Leoni Meadows. It destroyed the horse barn, burned down the railroad bridge, destroyed, at least, one staff house, destroyed the pool house and burned the nature center to the ground. That fire started near the camp and burned all the way into the Lake Tahoe basin.
You’ll be happy to know we have been able to take some more mission trips. It is a great way to support Rebekah in her work, as well as see the world. In 2016, we went with Rebekah to Eastern India, where we were part of a 20-person team that built a school. It was built with panels that went into steel supports and then riveted in place. For much of our work time, we peeled plastic protective sheets from wall and roof panels. Every scrap had to be removed, or it would collect water and cause a rust spot. At the end of the trip, we took a safari and saw the Indian Elephant and lots of other wildlife. Alas, no tiger. Then in 2019, we went to Africa – specifically Zambia. I know you also traveled to Africa for your work. Well, I’ve been there now three times. This time, Debbie and I were the cooks. Debbie planned the menu and was the chef/brains behind the operation. I was the sous-chef – her assistant. We had two local young ladies help as well. It was so nice having their help in preparation and clean up. Such hard workers. We made all the family favorite dishes, including a HUGE pot of your mother’s borsht. The 4 big pans of cinnamon rolls were a winner for Sabbath breakfast. After the work, we had 3 safari drives into National Parks, one of which was a river safari. The herd of 40+ elephants – males, females and little baby elephants enjoying a trip to the rivers edge was certainly a highlight for me. It reminded me of the treasured picture of the elephants that has hung in our/your house for many years. It now graces Andi’s dining room wall. We also got to see Victoria Falls, though it was during the dry season so much of it that was without water.
You really wouldn’t believe all the things a “portable phone” can do now. The smart phone debuted in 2007, the year you died. It really is a minicomputer in the palm of your hand. It has hundreds of programs on it, and you can download them at any Wi-Fi connection or even over the cellular system. It is your camera, map, calendar, phone all rolled into one. There are programs that let you communicate with your group of friends all at once. I even have a Yahtzee game on mine. The problem is that people are usually looking down at their phone, instead of interacting with each other…so this progress does come with some drawbacks.
For Christmas, Debbie got a little gadget that grows a mini-spice garden on your kitchen counter. It has a UV light on top and a hydroponic system below. So now we have fresh herbs in most of our supper entrees. We put some of the dill into the borsht last night and had some of the basil on pizza this week.
Well, I suppose I should mention this, with you being an epidemiologist and all. COVID-19. THE corona virus to top all corona viruses. It all started in a place in China – bats that were bought at a market and eaten is what the scientists say was the starting animal to human vector. The virus – and the respiratory disease it caused – soon spread worldwide. It arrived in America in March 2020, but was probably affecting individuals in other countries in the months before that. This virus has killed over 900,000 of our fellow Americans as of this date, with 6,000,000 dead worldwide. (Debbie and I keep track on a web page on our internet devices.) The epidemic became “the pandemic.” At the little hospital I serve, we have had many deaths, as well. Some notable ones where two people from the same family died days or a week apart. Of course, many people who got sick didn’t die and that included most in our family. We were fortunate and blessed. The virus has evolved and has had several variants: Alpha, Beta, Delta and Omicron, just to name a few. The scientists worked hard to build a vaccine and as soon as it came out, I got it. Then a booster vaccine came out and I got that too.
Of course, the politicians twisted the news of the pandemic. Depending on one’s political views, the science was either right or wrong. “Uncle Sam” sought to prop up the economic damage with payouts to taxpayers and so $1200 would just show up into our account. Lots of Republican politicians downplayed the pandemic and publicly condemned the vaccines as dangerous…but privately got one. Sports figures said they got the vaccine (so they could keep playing) but didn’t. It has been a crazy time for sure. I just go to work, put on my N-95 mask, eye protection, gloves and a protective robe and go in to provide a little human connection for my patients and their families.
So 2/24/2022 is another day that will live in infamy. Russia has invaded Ukraine. I thought you’d want to know. The news reports that come in are of cities being destroyed, nuclear plants being threatened, civilians being killed, and grandmas making Molotov cocktail bombs. A million people have already fled the country…and that would be women and children, as the men age 18-60 must stay behind to fight to defend the land. And, once again, I was thinking of you…and the wonderful family history of ours that included Ukraine. Your grandparents and your mother’s baptism into the Adventist faith took place in the icy waters of the Black Sea off Odessa. Salomon Ammon’s dream and voice that he heard, “Go to America!” America’s hearts and the Western world’s hearts are breaking for this human tragedy that could be the start of World War III. We had borsht last night in solidarity with Ukraine.
Debbie and I are doing now what we saw you and mom do…and that is to care for our mother’s during their aging years. Mom lived with us some (and Andi more) in the 3 years before her death. And now, Debbie’s mother has moved in with us. She was living in Paradise, but with the frequent PG&E power turn-offs and her aging (She’ll be 90 this year) it was time for her to come live with us. It has worked out pretty well, so far. I view it as “putting the 5th commandment into practice.” I recall the stories mom would tell me of how you would drive the streets of La Sierra to find your dad, when his dementia clouded mind would propel him to wander away from their apartment. And how we had mom’s mom with us for the last two years of her life (she died in what used to be our dining room, as it became her bedroom behind those brown dividers.) Then, your mom was with us for a few months in North Carolina during our year in the South. You taught me so much about actual living – specifically about taking care of family - and I’m a better man for it. So far, we are 3 for 4 in keeping our parents out of a nursing home, caring for them at home. And we hope to go 4 for 4.
Andi and I get together when we can. We enjoy most holidays together, fixing some of the historic German foods. This year, we went to the coast for her and Jenn’s birthday. I hope to do a “Gluten Steak Tutorial” for Dave and Kristine in a few weeks. You’d be happy to know that Teagan and Rebekah are both accomplished gluten, strudla and knipfla makers. Rebekah often makes your mom’s vegetable borscht (no beets!). The two children you and mom brought into the world have 5 children and are pressing forward in life and love for each other. We are living, loving and laughing…as we hope in God for that time when we will see you and mom again.
I must say I can’t quite bring myself to shout a hearty “AMEN!” when I hear a preacher seek to muster up some congregational fervor by saying “Jesus is coming soon.” It is too late for Jesus to come soon. It’s been 2,000 years since the heaven’s received Jesus. We are coming up on 200 years since the Advent people waited in the expectation of 1844. The “times of refreshing” are long delayed. I do believe that Jesus will come eventually. And I take comfort in that hope, as I comfort the people that are grieving around the corpses of their loved ones. (I had two of those yesterday on 3/4/22)
Whenever I’m rolling several doubles in a row while playing Parcheesi (with Debbie, Rebekah, David, Kristine or others) I have been saying “The Luck of the Elmer” is with me. (I remember how you and Grandma Olson used to go at it with the green and yellow pawns.). It is a special way I have of remembering you. I wish we had played more games together. Well, this Christmas Teagan gave me a custom, round, wooden Parcheesi game board…including dice and little plastic pawns. It is ready to play. The start positions have art depicting four of the places our family has lived, including Lakeport. (Mt Knocti!). In the middle of the board is that phrase, “The Luck of the Elmer”. It is a family treasure, let me tell you. It needs a couple of layers of shellac and will then last for years. It will get passed back to her when I’m gone.
In the months before Mom died - during the upheaval of career change, the fire evacuation, the 2+ years without a home of our own, etc. - Mom would look me in the eye and ask, “Are you happy?” I would tell her “Yes”. From 2017 to 2020, my answer to her was what I hoped would happen. I wanted to be happy, but those were difficult days and happiness was elusive. But I didn’t’ want her to worry about me. So I said “Yes”, even though it may have only been 25% true. Well, you’ll probably see her before I do. (In that you are buried side by side (and who knows where my dust will end up?!)). When you see her, remind her again of my answer. It is now true. I am happy in this new phase of my life. I will complete my career as a ministering chaplain, just like your brother Rubin. (And my father-in-law Chet had a stint as a chaplain too, and your cousin Ray was a chaplain, and your cousin Doug was a campus chaplain…I realize I come from a long line of chaplains too!) I am content these days, and that is a form of happiness. I also have joy in hope because of Jesus and his empty tomb which gives me hope that your and mom’s grave will one day empty out and we’ll be together again.
I miss you, Dad. I love you.
I take comfort knowing that -
The only scars in Heaven, they won't belong to me and you.
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new.
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down.
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now.
(Song: Scars: by Casting Crowns)
Love, Your Son. Kris
Concluded 3/5/2022. Proofread by Debbie Shumaker Widmer and blog published on 3/13/2022
